Doomed, too

Foreword: I have often been accused of being a hedonist. People tell me how I while away my time in mindless pursuits instead of spending it in socially responsible ways. Hence when life handed me a lemon on a super-bike recently, I decided to write this piece as a service to society.

I am not what maybe described as an avid movie watcher, unless the movies are on TV and can be watched without considerable movement from my bed. Yet, I succumbed to the hype surrounding “Dhoom-2” and collected my colleagues and embarked on an experience that lasted for the longest three hours of my life. I take this moment to apologize, once again, to all of my colleagues who were forced to face the ordeal on my insistence.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for mindless action movies, but I like my “Commando” separate from my “Terminator” and certainly different from “Titanic”, which I must say, sucked. A mixture of all of these (and more!) is not to my taste.

Enough of these generalizations, lets get to some straight talk. The story first:

SPOILER WARNING: Plot details follow.

SPOILER END.

Right, now lets take it (apart) character by character:

Abhishek Bachchan: What can I say, it has already been established that aB (note the use of the lower case ‘a’, only one man deserves to be called AB) takes non-acting to its zenith. You can look like an unshaven gorilla, and try to be deadpan with your humour and even have Uday Chopra next to you to make you look good, but it doesn’t always work. Especially, if you stink at everything. I’ve been a Darwinist all my life and I sincerely hope aB does not fall into the hands of the Creationists for he is the perfect argument against genetics. The best thing that I can say about him is that at least he is not Shah Rukh Khan.

Aishwarya Rai: I have said it before and I’ll say it again, that female just takes my breath away. She is HOT, period. Within that scope she excels, but then she makes the (ill-advised) attempt at mouthing some dialogues (why, o why?) and disturbs your concentration in appreciating the wondrous visage. Then it’s all downhill.

Bipasha Basu: If acting involved raising the hormonal activity in the male audience, this babe would get my vote. Fortunately, she has precious little to do (and wear) in the movie. Hence, makes the experience a little more agreeable.

Hrithik Roshan: Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I will be forced to proclaim him the better “actor” in a comparison. As it turns out, HR completely outperforms aB (not really a mean feat, if you ask me) forcing me to admit that if a situation should arise where in HR and aB are the last of the alleged actors in the world and the (rather painful) decision to award the Oscar to one of them lies with me, I would award it to HR. This, despite the fact that he swats bullets away with a skateboard and goes on a romantic tangent in the middle of high action. It wasn’t an easy decision.

Uday Chopra: Don’t even get me started.

Final rating: I would compare it with Boom, but Boom had Amitabh Bachchan… and Katrina Kaif...