AR speaketh...

The questions, the answers, the thoughts, the ideas and the other crap that make me, well, me.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

What Women Want

Foreword: I am writing this piece after speaking to a female friend whose parents are looking for a match for her. She is an intelligent, witty and pretty girl with a mind of her own. Naturally, she is not very happy at the prospect of being married off to a “dumb Bong”, as she very eloquently described a suitor. Now, ordinarily, I would have chosen a time like this to remark, “I wish Bong men were half the men that Bong women are.” Despite being a Bong herself, I am sure she’d have shared the opinion. Now you know the kind of girl I am talking about. Lets call her Venus, for the purposes of this write-up. Being the friendly, helpful character that I am, I suggested that she discuss with me the kind of man she would like to get married to and I would compile it into this piece. I am writing here not only what she told me, but also what I could gather by her choice of words, tone, my knowledge of her personality and other non-verbal communication that it is possible to perceive over a BSNL/Reliance cell connection. Again, to make this piece more palatable and more "in league" with my writings, I have taken the liberty to add what I perceive as humour to it.

I have known Venus for around twelve years now and when she told me about her fear of getting married to the wrong guy, we drew up a list of what would really impress her in a guy. Though this sounds like a very personal preference, I am sure the ladies will be able to say “Me too” to most of what she likes. The gentlemen may treat this as another of those relationship essays and switch on the TV. In any case, this is what she had to say:

1. “Marriage is not about the wife donning the chef’s hat.” I have known some other girls to have this concern as well. They feel (and quite rightly, in my opinion) that a man should not consider his wife to be a five-star chef on call. The particular example that Venus gave me was being asked to prepare “Paneer Pakoras” at 11:00 in the night. She promised me that her response to that would be to throw the Yellow Pages at the guy and ask him to order some and while he was at it, order some Chicken Tikka for her too.

2. “Caring for the wife goes beyond buying her jewelry.” I am not too sure too many women will agree with her here. Anyway, the conclusion is that women want a relationship to extend as much in the intellectual plane as the materialistic, if not more. I have been told orchids can generally take a guy far with the right girl. Roughly translated, a new piece of jewelry does not compensate for your ogling at the dame on the next table on your anniversary.

3. “Intelligent conversation is a must.” I think I would not be way off the mark to suggest that this comes high on the list of any woman. Most modern women, who can use their heads for other purposes than merely as an object to poke under the hair dryer, would appreciate a well-rounded conversation laced with sparkling wit. Wit or no wit, a man who does not have a mind of his own is pretty much in a soup, because most women have an opinion about everything (and its mother-in-law).

4. “Being a wife is not a full time job.” It is important to allow personal space in any relationship. I have gathered that women need some personal time to unwind and just be themselves. This is a time when they would want their husbands to be supportive by disappearing from the face of the earth. At least temporarily. Venus put it as “He should know when to just let me be.” Very succinctly put.

5.“An uptight guy is a major turn-off.” Overly traditional, if orthodox, guys are certainly not welcome. If you are the kind of guy that has different standards for a wife and a girlfriend (i.e., if you are a regular guy), you had better not tell your wife that. This also includes consistency of outlook. It is all very well to talk about female empowerment and gender equality, but if you want to keep your married life happy, you better believe all of that.

These might look like just a list of five qualities that women want. Look closely and you will find that if you try to be all that, your wife may love you a lot, but other than that, life won't be much fun. But then again, that just might be the XY chromosome in me talking. I leave you with your free will, in case you want to get doomed.

On a more serious note, Indian men need to appreciate the fact their wives will never be the women their mothers were simply because they will never be the men that their fathers were. Times have changed and the family is no longer the responsibility of one person. It takes two to make this thing work. Unless, of course, you are Don Corleone.

So, if you are a man who uses his head for purposes other than as an object to shove under a helmet, before you marry the girl of your choice, you might want to thrash these notions out of her. Or you could just be a sissy and be all that…

Coming soon, "What Men Want", or that might well be a single 3-letter word.

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